Heidi’s Happiness

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere,
doing something else, being someone else.
Isaac Asimov

I was going through my journal from last year, not really looking for anything in particular, just perusing through the different writings that I had done.

I came across this from October 19, 2016 and wanted to share with you.

Feeling meh, some sadness, depression, aloneness, what other feelings am I having? Numb, anger.

Be okay with being in this “place”.

Apathetic, ashamed of feeling this way. Shouldn’t I feel more at peace, shouldn’t I feel happy? I’m living my life dream, I’m here!! Be content being here, but being content is an area I’m not familiar with-what is this?? I am so used to pushing forward, constantly feeling like I HAVE to be looking for the next step, the next thing. Sitting in this – this content energy – be okay with it – really – you are being taken care of – money is in abundance – all is well.

I find, that when I do go to bed and I wake up in the morning, I don’t wake up like “YES” I am looking forward to today. I thought I would be. I wake up and most of the time I want to sleep until 8:00 or 9:00 am – why is that a bad thing? Is someone telling me that is wrong?? No, it is the pre-determined thinking that I need to get up EARLY to be productive – do I really believe this? Really? I do not – it is a learned behavior – I accomplish all that I need to every day and that is all I need to expect out of myself. Critical – the critical vibration is one that I accepted as a young child – this is a vibration I want to let go of and replace with grace, love and acceptance.

Sit – sit in this space – say good-bye, mourn it, allow it to be and then when you are ready – release – like a balloon – into the sky – say good-bye- feel the lightness – the white light that is in its place – FEEL how much better you feel.

Yes, this is how I journal. I get so much insight and information by writing this way. I believe sometimes it’s Spirit interjecting where I need more insight.

While I was reading this I was reminded of that day. I am so thankful that I allowed myself to just be and accept where I was at. I am in a space now that I do wake up with full on gratitude, excited to see what the day brings, who I get to meet and who I get to share healing with.

How are you doing today? Could you be more accepting of where you are at? Understanding that you are moving into a new vibrational space of where you desire to be? Mourn the old way and be prepared for some beautiful gorgeous vibrational energy that is just waiting to be a part of your entire existence!!

Life is Short

Heidi’s Happiness

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere,
doing something else, being someone else.
Isaac Asimov


While walking the labyrinth on a Saturday during a retreat, I was trying to walk with intention. What I found myself doing is walking, rather quickly. Oh, I wasn’t race walking the labyrinth, I’m not sure someone can or would want to. However, I found myself slowing down, and even with that slowing down, I felt like I was walking too fast. I even paused for a moment within the labyrinth to stop the momentum, to start over and found this slower pace was what my body, my mind, my soul needed.

I thought, why do I feel the need to rush, move through things quickly? Because I keep hearing, life is short. Unconsciously I was feeling the need to rush through things, because, you know, life is SHORT! Rush, get to things, before time runs out. Fill the days FULL of things, experiences, fit it all in before the time runs out. UGH!!

This is no way to live. Life is as long as I choose it to be. It’s not short. My days could be filled with sitting and looking at the flowers and trees. Yes, an entire day. The fullness of that entire day of what one would experience could be as fulfilling as filling the day with doing things that have been perceived as being productive.

This conscious choice I get to make is sometimes moment by moment. I am learning to not feel the need to rush. Spirit reminds me of this especially when I’m driving. Probably because it really gets my attention quickly! I’ll be cruising along at my slightly over the speed limit pace and someone will pull in front of me, even though if they would have waited after I passed there was plenty of time for them to get into the lane. Most of the time I smile and remind myself, Heidi, breathe, be well, this is your reminder, you will arrive on time, no need to be anxious.

I’m sure I receive many more messages to slow down, be aware, be present but the driving part gets me, every, single, time. So, what have I learned so far in this life? While I may fill my days with productivity, check off things on my “to do” list, the times  I feel the fullest in my life, the days I really am glad to be alive, to be having this human experience is when I slow down, and notice all the awesomeness that I am living in.

What can you do today to be more aware of this beautiful journey you are on? To s-l-o-w down and embrace this human experience you are having? This human experience can be as long and rich or as short and sweet as you choose!

The Answer

Heidi’s Happiness

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere,
doing something else, being someone else.
Isaac Asimov

I attended a retreat at the Mother’s Healing Garden located in Dell Rapids at the north side of the cemetery. You ask, cemetery? Yes, enter into the cemetery, drive past the grave stones to healing. The Mother’s Healing Garden is a very special place that is infused with healing energy. In the garden is located a labyrinth. This was the focus of the retreat. It was facilitated by Twylla Alexander who wrote a book on Labyrinths.

Gathered on this beautiful Saturday were fifteen women at different stages of life. Some came from as far away as Spain and Africa that were visiting a friend from Watertown. The mixture of souls was set for a day of richness.

During the retreat Twylla helped explain the labyrinth and how long the known existence of it has been. Do you realize there were civilizations all over the world building labyrinths but they didn’t have a way to communicate with each other? I believe there is a Divine connection and reason people are drawn to walk them.

During the morning labyrinth walk, Twylla held space for each of us. This is a very special moment to have done for another. I hold space for people when I conduct workshops, it is a feeling of safety, peace and calming. All of us walked the labyrinth during this time, separated by Twylla’s direction of when to have the next person start.

I found myself holding onto the stone that was part of my gift bag. It said “Trust”. My intention for the day was to be “Open”. Walking inward I found tears being released out and the message was, release, let go, these things that are tears, they are thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, beliefs that are no longer to be a part of you. I was creating more space by releasing.

When I reached the middle, my friend Jeannie (one of the co-founders of the Mother’s Healing Garden) was there and I found myself crying more, releasing more, I hugged her. Her inner strength is beyond what I can imagine and I simply leaned into her. Trusting she was there at that moment for a reason.
As I was walking out, I was reminded that not only am I making space, I was allowing what is already inside me to expand even further. I felt my spirituality, my understanding of the Divine, of my purpose deepen to a richness I’ve not experienced before. I am open and I am allowing.

As I reached the opening of the labyrinth, I was greeted by Carol, (the other co-founder of the Mother’s Healing Garden) and I hugged her, hard. She too has a strength that is beyond my comprehension and I felt so deeply grateful to have these two women in my life.

In the afternoon, I walked the labyrinth again. This time, on my own. There were others that were walking also. One person in particular, JoAnn (a beautiful soul) who was wearing a bright yellow top and shoes that reminded me of my mother, was walking out of the labyrinth as I was walking in. We passed each other three times. I walked with my eyes downcast and meditative. The first two times we passed, I sensed my mother with me. It was like she was walking also, and as we passed it was like she was saying hello, I love you, all is well. The third time we met, JoAnn stepped to the side and the feeling of my mother saying to me, it’s time for me to leave, for now, you’ve got this, you’ve got the strength, do not be afraid. I cried, tears of sadness and yet, tears of joy.

I’ve walked the labyrinth numerous times over the years. I’ve never had these kinds of experiences before. It was truly a spiritually divine day.

What kinds of ways can you enrich your life? What are things you can let go of to make space for the richness of life that is just waiting to grow and expand within you? You may just be surprised of the answers waiting for you!

Carrying Pebbles, Rocks and Boulders

Heidi’s Happiness

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere,
doing something else, being someone else.
Isaac Asimov

I wrote the below in 2013, and it recently popped up in my Facebook page from having posted it a year ago. I believe there are many, many people that can identify with this story. It is lengthy, but worth the read. 

I share this story with you in the hope that any or all of it can be of service and light for you. This was written by me in 2013. It is a bit long but WORTH the read.

I am walking down a path. The path’s width is wide enough for one person, it is made up of dirt and pebbles and is worn down by many, many people walking on it before me. Along the sides of the path are flowers and trees. I’m in a somewhat forest but yet if I look down the path I can see for a long ways, sometimes the path disappears and reappears as it winds here and there.

I can smell the fragrance of the flowers and the pine trees around me. I hear the birds chirping and the owls and other animals calling out.

I am barefoot and can feel the roughness of the path under my feet.

I am wearing a back pack and it is full of pebbles, rocks and a few boulders. It is heavy but I can carry it and have faith that I will be okay carrying it. I continue to walk along the path.

There are openings here and there along the path where there are park benches to rest. Sometimes I stop and take the back pack off and sit awhile. It feels good to not have it on me and I’m amazed how much lighter I feel when I am not wearing it.

Sometimes when I get up from resting I THINK about removing some of the rocks and boulders from the back pack but then I decide I cannot do this. What will people think if I leave some of these things that I carry so close to me?

As I continue along the path, the sun is shining and I feel its warmth. I imagine a day where I can truly feel the sun and warmth surrounding my entire being, not just my face. I want to feel that warmth in my entire being. I just don’t know how to make that happen.

There is a clearing and I see all these rocks. They are not my rocks, they are other people’s rocks that have been left behind.

Some of them have names on them that identify what they represent. Some of them say “fear”, “unlovable”, “hate”, “pissed off”, “irritation” “stupid”. I KNOW what they say but some of them are so pretty I cannot help but pick them up and put them in my back pack.

The back pack continues to get heavier as I continue to pick up the rocks and boulders, I even sometimes pick up a pebble here and there because, hey, how much does a pebble weigh and I can handle it, I can carry all of it. I’m strong, I believe in God and God wouldn’t lead me down the wrong path right?

Now, I get to a clearing and there is a bench, that has comfy cushions to it. There is someone also sitting there. I do not recognize who this is but they look fairly trustworthy so I sit down next to them.

I do not want to talk to them though and they are quiet also. I watch them, as I like to observe behavior of others. While they are sitting there I watch them with their own back pack. Their back pack is really worn and tattered. They look old and weary.

As I sit there observing, I’m watching them begin to unpack their bag. I’m watching them take a rock out, hold it dear to themselves and then say good-bye to it and they set it down on the other stacks of rocks left by others.

I watch this person continue to do this for a couple of hours. I cannot believe how many rocks and boulders they are pulling out of their bag, it seems endless.

Now, I look at them again, really look at them and I swear, they have gotten younger while sitting there. They do not look downtrodden, they do not look beat up anymore, if anything they look like they are ten years younger.

How can that be? How can I have sat here, watching them all this time and they transformed all by unpacking their back pack?

I try to talk to this person, but it’s almost as if they do not hear me. I wonder, am I not ready to hear what they have to say or are they truly ignoring me?

I watch them pick up their bag and put it on their back. It appears to be almost empty. They continue on their path and I swear I see a glow around them, a glow I never noticed before.


So, I think, well, if they can unpack their bag maybe I can too.

I pick up a rock out of my bag and I look at it. It says fear on it. I hold it, I look at it, I ponder, what would it mean to put this in the pile that has been left by others? I’m not ready, I put it back in my bag.

I’ve rested long enough. It’s time to continue on. I heft my bag on my back and it is painful but I do not know what else to do but carry it with me. I cannot let all these pretty rocks behind I feel a responsibility to carry them with me. I would feel guilty if I left any of them behind. Besides, some of these rocks are not mine, I am carrying them for others and how would they feel if I left them behind?

The path at times is muddy. My feet are covered in mud, there is so much gunk that is being dropped by others. Sometimes I wonder if people ahead of me are truly letting these things go or have they overloaded themselves so much the gunk is just dropping off them because they aren’t able to carry it.

Where I can, I pick up some of the gunk to help those that aren’t able to carry it all.

Oh my, I am out of breath and the burden is so heavy that I am carrying that I’m not sure I can make it much farther. My health is starting to go, I can tell because I find myself going to the doctor more and also pulling away from friends and society in general. I crawl in bed and sleep a lot. I have no energy.

Every time I wake up though, there is my back pack ready for me to carry.

I am attached to this back pack after all these years. I start wondering though, can I ever live without it?

Sometimes I start to pull out all the pebbles, rocks and boulders I carry in it and I get overwhelmed.

I keep thinking though, is there another way? Is there another path I could be going down that would be better?

It may not be simpler but the path I’m on is so difficult that I’m preparing myself to go down a better one as soon as I can gather the strength to do so.

There is one day I wake up, ready to face the day and it was like an “ah ha” moment. WHAT IF, I leave one rock a day on the side of the path? I may not be able to unload my back pack all at once like the individual I saw not that long ago but I bet, if I can leave a rock a day or even a week the weight of it all will lighten and maybe, just maybe, my life can become better. That I too can have that GLOWOF LIGHT eventually one day.

Sometime during the day, I choose a rock. With gratitude, I say to the rock, thank you for being there for me, for serving a purpose, but I no longer need you, I appreciate all that you have provided and I say good-bye. I gently put it down along the ground.

I notice, for the first time, there are other rocks along the way that others have left. They are glowing, I can tell, they are shining because they have been given gratitude for their purpose. Some of the words on the rocks are; death, grief, sadness, depression, illness.

I wonder, how can one have gratitude towards any of these “negative” life emotions and challenges?

As I walk along this beautifully lit pathway I come upon another clearing, another resting point. There is an individual there that has a white glowing essence. I sit next to them. They smile at me and say, “welcome”.

I feel much more peaceful and I want to ask questions. It’s as if they can sense this and say to me, go ahead, ask questions, I am here to answer to the best of my ability.

I ask, how can one have gratitude for all the negative things in one’s life? The grief and loss of a loved one, the sadness of what could have been?

“My child, if you never experience sadness how do you understand joy?” “If you do not experience grief and loss how do you learn to appreciate what you have right now?” It is by having gratitude to experience all that life has to offer is where you will truly understand what love and peace is all about.

I want to ask more questions and yet, I do not seem to have any in my head at the moment. I hear what is being said, it resonates in me. I “get it”. I understand that when I have gratitude for all that is, that I can then truly be in the moment, that I can truly come from a place of love and peace.

My ego chimes in though, look at others, see how they react, see how angry and fearful they are? You cannot live without fear and anger. You HAVE to live with it. You cannot leave it behind.

That day, I look in my backpack and look through all the rocks, boulders and pebbles, and I pick out all of them that have fear written on them and I put them on the side of the road. I have enough pebbles that I can actually arrange them in a fashion to make an outline of a heart. I choose to not live in fear.

I notice that on this day, my back pack is getting lighter. It is not near as heavy as it has been.

The pathway is taking a turn and as I take this turn, I notice that things are getting greener, more lush, there are more flowers, there are more animals singing and expressing themselves. It is such a loving place. I like this feeling that I have inside. It is from a place of love.

I hear a waterfall and I walk towards it. There is a pool to walk into if I so choose. The water is clear and I can see the bottom. It is refreshing to feel the mist as my journey has been a hard and arduous one. I feel tired and dirty. I slough off my back pack and walk into the clear healing water.

My breath is taken away, the healing that is happening within myself is overwhelming and I cry, I cry for the grief I carry with me, the sadness, I am letting go of all that does not serve me.

There is a light that is glowing around me. I look at it, as if it is alien to me. I can see my reflection in the water and as I look at myself, I do not understand immediately what I am seeing. There is this glow, this light that is coming from within me and expanding outward. I watch as it ebbs and flows through and around me.

Tears of JOY coming from my eyes and an overall release of toxins from my body allow me to truly feel, deep within my bones JOY. I’ve never felt this before. It is a feeling I want to live in.

After playing and laying in the water and the overwhelming feelings subside and calm down I am ready to walk out of the waterfall pool. I feel at peace.

I see the worn and tattered back pack, still heavy with the rocks and boulders that I carry.

I sit by the side of the pool and I begin to unpack my back. I remember, way back on my path the individual unpacking their bag. I am in awe that I am at this point in my path but I am thankful also. I take a rock out, kiss it, give gratitude and I start my own pile of rocks and boulders. With each rock/boulder that I remove, I notice my back pack becoming almost like new. Those places where it was torn and tattered are being repaired right before my eyes.

I am on a roll now and I am ready to let go of those rocks and boulders that I have carried for others. I realize now, they are carrying the identical rocks and boulders themselves. I wonder, why am I carrying them too? I’m doing no good for them and I surely am not helping myself by trying to carry their burden also. It is THEIR journey to figure out how much they want to carry. I no longer need to feel guilty about their burdens.

I empty my back pack of all that I feel comfortable unpacking. I’m not ready to let go of all of it. I need time to heal those areas I’ve just let go of. I need to fill the areas that I’ve removed with healing white energy, with love and peace. It will take time for me to do this.

I hoist my now lighter back pack on my back and continue along the path. I am feeling lighter, and I can actually look up into the sky when I’m carrying the back pack. You see, I had been carrying so much on my back and in my hands that I could not look up, I could not appreciate all that was. I couldn’t see the sky, I couldn’t truly feel all of the sun on my face, on my being. I can truly look up, see the fluffy white clouds, the sun warm upon my being, and the joy that is there for the taking and experiencing.

The pathway I am on now is almost psychedelic to my eyes. The pinks are pinker, the purples are purplier, the reds are redder. I love it. I want to continue on this path. I want to continue to learn, I want live in this place. I will do whatever it takes to continue along this path. I will face the fears that will bubble up, I will hear my ego but I can and will choose a path that is for my higher good.

This pathway will not always be easy, sometimes it will be very difficult, but I will remember this feeling, this feeling of joy, love, peace and light.

I can tell, it’s time, it’s time to share this path with others, those that are on their own path, I get to be one of those that is sitting along their pathway and share my light, share my aura and by sharing my aura I can give them hope, hope for a better day, hope for a day of peace and light, a place of living in love. Now, in July of 2016 – I am glowing, I am ready, I am sharing. I am not perfect, I do not have all the answers, but I KNOW in my inner most being I am ready. This still resonates with me in July of 2017!

Seeing and Experiencing

Heidi’s Happiness

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere,
doing something else, being someone else.
Isaac Asimov

This photo of the monarch butterfly evolving from the chrysalis to the actual dried wings butterfly reminded me of how I see people.

Some people are still in their cocoon. They may not even know they are in the cocoon because the pain they are going through doesn’t make sense to them. I also see some that know they are in the cocoon and welcome the pain and growth because they understand what is coming.

There are those that are crawling out of the cocoon and trying to fly before they are ready. They are frustrated and angry because they can’t move into all they want to be right away. Patience my dear, patience.

There are some that have come out of the cocoon, their wings are dry, they are ready, but they hold on tight to the branch, they are afraid. What does it mean to fly? What does it mean to be all that I’m meant to be? What if I can’t do it the “right” way? Why bother if I can’t be perfect.

If there is anything I’ve learned on this journey is to trust. Trust the process, trust the pain, trust the joy, trust the nudge. Oh you beautiful butterfly – let go – use those wings – they were meant to carry you far!

It’s time for you to shine! Share you! Beautiful, glorious YOU!

Dreams and Reality

Heidi’s Happiness

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere,
doing something else, being someone else.
Isaac Asimov


On Facebook, there is the “On This Day” that pops up to remind us what happened in the past years that we posted. To my surprise, the end of June, a picture of my Reiki Room showed up along with a group picture with Wakefield Chiropractic! It has been an entire year since I “moved out” of my home and into an office to provide Reiki and the rest of my services.

I am amazed of how well the entire transition has gone! From part-time to full-time, to moving to another location after only six months!

Many, many years ago I had this dream. A dream of having my own business, to be able to be the boss of myself, to create, and more importantly to be able to help others. Sometimes I feel like I’m dreaming but this life that I’m currently living is real!

My faith in Spirit has always been strong, but this new life encourages me to release the need to control and to come from a place of allowing. Knowing, that I truly am being taken care of if I will just allow the abundance to come to me.

What dreams do you have? If you don’t have dreams of where you want your life to be, why not? The Universe is waiting to assist you in making whatever you desire a reality! I’m a true testament to this! Oh, and just wait and see what Spirit and I are working on for my future! It’s going to be AWESOME!

Blank and Flow

Heidi’s Happiness

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere,
doing something else, being someone else.
Isaac Asimov

As I sit in front of my computer, staring blankly at the page, trying to figure out what to write, my mind goes from all kinds of thoughts to being blank. I’m feeling pressure to get something profound written, something that will just fly off my fingers onto the page and yet, I feel pressure, too much, and I’m pushing back rather than allowing the flow to happen.

So, I decided to simply start writing from where I was and I find how amazing it is when I begin to simply start typing, words and ideas begin to flow.

How often in our lives we feel stuck, stifled and in a corner of belief of no choices. I’ve learned there are always choices. Sometimes they aren’t what would be our ideal but they are choices nonetheless. Many times, I’ve found, by just making a choice and moving forward, the flow of opportunities exponentially grow thereby giving me more options than I realized I had.

Are you trying to make decisions and not feeling like you have any choices? Or the choices that are in front of you aren’t the ideal? Take a moment, no, really, take out that sheet of paper or open a word document. Start writing out worst case scenarios, then start writing out the best case scenarios, somewhere in between is your answer. By the way, there is no reason why the best case scenario can’t be a reality!


Heidi’s Happiness

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere,
doing something else, being someone else.
Isaac Asimov

I’ve been feeling a bit antsy lately. This new life I am living is quite serene and calming. My “old” life was filled with a multitude of chaotic things between people interaction, my job and life in general. In fact, way back, in my early 30’s I found myself creating chaos because I had lived in that energy and didn’t like to be at peace for too long.

I was writing in my journal questioning, what is this life I am to be living? Am I doing enough? What is enough? Who defines what enough is? Since it is a moving target, does one ever achieve it?

This life I’m currently living is what I dreamt of when I was sitting in a cubicle stuffing envelopes or answering phones. Why am I feeling antsy?

I am making money, I am helping people in ways that I am not aware of, I am creating art, I am doing things that I never thought I would be doing! I literally took in a deep breath and released it. I sat with this feeling of being enough and doing enough.

In this quietness I listened to my inner voice speaking to me and saying, I am enough.

So often we allow the voices outside of ourselves; friends, family, co-workers, and society tell us what enough is. What is enough to be successful, to be a good parent, the way to dress, talk, interact, what or who to believe in, and so on.

What is enough for you? Let your inner voice speak to you. It’s called speaking your Truth. It’s an inner wisdom that each of us have always had, allow it to come to the surface and know, by doing so, peace and self-love will be yours! You are enough!!


Heidi’s Happiness

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere,
doing something else, being someone else.
Isaac Asimov

I have to thank my Mother for instilling in me the importance of grammar and spelling. It helped me in my 35 year career of Administrative/Executive Assistant. Without this knowledge I would not have been able to be as successful.

With this in mind, and in this day and age, grammar and spelling have found a new life. I believe our language is becoming something new and I am finding that I was I fighting it. Every time I saw someone use the word your “incorrectly” it drove me nuts. I would silently chastise the person and correct it in my head.

What occurred to me is that I was keeping myself imprisoned in the belief of things being only one way. When the English language was being developed, someone (or a group of people) decided that your was not the same as you’re (stay with me here). What if, originally, your stood for both ways? What if, everyone agreed with this? This thought in itself has released me from my own prison. I no longer cause angst within myself when I see your used whichever way the person uses it.

I had a client this morning that we were discussing this very topic of beliefs. I was encouraging her to look at those beliefs that were handed down to her from adults and to look at which ones align with her true self and which ones don’t. What belief’s are keeping you imprisoned? What ways can you let yourself be released and free?

Look Down to Feel Up

Heidi’s Happiness

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere,
doing something else, being someone else.
Isaac Asimov

On my walk today, I came across all kinds of wonderful nature items which got me to thinking how much these simple pleasures made me feel good.

I find myself looking down while walking on sidewalk in residential areas because sometimes there are raised concrete pieces which can be trippy (yes, trippy). So, while watching where I walk provides me an opportunity to look and see things that I normally would have looked past.

The ant, carrying something that was at least as large as its own body. My mind wanders and is amazed of the wonderment of this small bug and how it goes about its business doing what it was destined to do.
The dried up worms takes me to my childhood and after the rain, going out and discovering all the worms out on the sidewalk. I used to play with them and watch how they would move along in my hand, the sensation of it moving along my skin.

The grass clippings, the double samaras, also known as helicopters or whirligigs floating through the air, a random cotton seed floating (could that be an angel of sorts letting me know they are near?).

The smell of blooming lilacs or flower bushes, I breathe in a deep breath, taking in their intoxicating scent.

These simple things have provided me a feeling of positivity, of feeling up, of realizing this life I am living is amazing. This adventure of walking has taken me to places in my mind that I haven’t visited for a while.

What amazing things are happening in your life that you haven’t visited for a while? Take a moment, breathe in the awe-inspiring life you are living!!