Complaining and Negativity

Heidi’s Happiness

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere,
doing something else, being someone else.
Isaac Asimov

Interesting how Spirit will speak to me and make me aware of things. Lately, I have been receiving information via email, posts on Facebook, a book that I’m reading, and messages from others to be aware of complaining or negative thoughts.

Overall I’m not a negative person and for the most part see the glass half full. With the information that has continued to present itself to me I need to be a bit more aware than what I have been! Or, maybe one of you that is receiving this weekly email needs to have the nudge of awareness.

Here is an excerpt of an email that I received recently:
When you focus upon lack in an attitude of complaining, you establish a vibrational point of attraction that then gives you access only to more thoughts of complaint. Your deliberate effort to tell a new story will establish a new pattern of thought, providing you with a new point of attraction from your present, about your past, and into your future. The simple effort of looking for positive aspects will set a new vibrational tone that will begin the immediate attraction of thoughts, people, circumstances, and things that are pleasing to you.

Basically, be aware of the words that are being used. Be aware, when someone is talking about their situation and commenting from a place of lack or negativity that you don’t get caught up in agreeing with them to appease them. By agreeing, you are basically letting the Universe know you agree to be in the lack of energy. This also doesn’t mean to try and get them to change. Simply accept them where they are and change the subject. You may need to do this numerous times, but each time, you are letting yourself and the Universe know you are desiring to be in positivity.

Here is a simple way to think of things in a more positive light.

I have taken it upon myself to make an effort to pick up paper towels/toilet paper bits and such in women’s public bathrooms. I’ve noticed that there are bits and pieces all over the floor in many bathrooms I’ve used over the years. It’s been an irritation to me up to this point because I think, why can’t people pick up after themselves? So, I decided to change my viewpoint and do something about it. I’ve committed to picking up the pieces and throwing them away. I feel better about it and I leave it at that. Well, recently, the bathrooms I’ve been going in have paper on the floors and I simply laugh now. I really sense Spirit is placing those pieces of paper on the floor to remind me I have a purpose, that I’m making a difference and while it is not a big deal, I know I feel better. So, thank you Spirit for giving me a smile, lifting my vibration knowing I’m doing a positive thing albeit small.

See, being more positive really doesn’t take that much except an awareness of choosing. I choose to see the positive in a situation rather than the negative. What ways can you be aware of your thoughts, words and deeds?



Heidi’s Happiness

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere,
doing something else, being someone else.
Isaac Asimov

I’m working with Nikki Lee, who is in the process of getting her Health Coach certification. I volunteered to be one of the people she gets to work with to receive the certification. I knew by going into this, the process would not be easy. I just didn’t realize how challenging it would be for me though!

I have learned so much about myself in the two short weeks we’ve been working together. The course is 90 days and so have a few weeks left. I look forward to continuing to excavate and cultivate all that comes up!

For the last two weeks I’ve been feeling depressed, sad, conflicted, distraught, shame, so many low vibrational energies it has been difficult to not want to stop the process. These feelings have been within me and I’m now encouraging them to come to the surface. Normally, I’ve been eating my way through to keep these feelings shoved down deep. I’m now at the point I don’t want them anymore and so I’m letting them go. I’m creating space for what I do want to have in my life and in my body.

Yesterday, I realized that I eat to satisfy my taste buds. It has not occurred to me to eat to nourish my body. I’ve had such a disconnect for so long it’s like I’m needing to introduce myself to my body! Let me just say that’s a bit f’d up! But it’s what I’m feeling and sensing.

I have also found myself in the habit of not moving my body much. I have on my phone a tracker of movement and let’s just say, there aren’t a lot of steps taken in a day up to this point. Especially now that I have my own business and there are days I don’t leave the apartment. In my journaling, I started to think about why I should want to move my body, besides the health aspect. I realized I want to go on more adventures. Adventures of walking, hiking, bicycling, exploring and how can I expect my body to be able to do this if it is not strong and the muscles developed?

So, I’m reminding myself daily, that i get to go on more adventures each time I move my body! I went for a 20 minute walk Sunday and a 45 minute walk on Monday! I have been going to yoga and Pilates weekly but I get to find other ways to move also!

What feelings do you have within your body? Are you connected and understand the need to nurture nutritionally, spiritually, emotionally and physically? Take a moment, check in and see what responds. You may just be surprised of the answer that comes!

Sound Vibrations

Heidi’s Happiness

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere,
doing something else, being someone else.
Isaac Asimov

You ever notice when a song you really love starts playing your body responds? Your head might start nodding, your toes start tapping, or you even might find yourself getting up out of the chair and dancing!?

I’m thinking of my past week of sound vibrations that were songs of another nature. I am part of the Drum Circle that is currently meeting in Dell Rapids at the Mother’s Healing Garden. On Wednesday evening, May 10th, eight people gathered to celebrate the full moon and honor intentions of a better world.

Each of us walked the labyrinth while the rest played their drums. It was a powerful time. As I walked around the labyrinth I meditated on my intention and felt the vibration of the drums in my body, heard the birds singing, the warmth of the setting sun upon my face and the gentle breeze across my skin. There was something special happening and I felt at peace.

On Friday, I attended a sound journey by Crown of Eternity. There were a variety of instruments played including gongs. Laying on my yoga mat with my eye pillow on I was able to tune out all of the “life happenings” and tune in to the wonderful energy of just being. I know I cleared out energy blocks or low vibes that I had been carrying. I left in such a state of bliss I didn’t want to talk with anyone because I wanted to stay in the bliss as long as possible.

Science has shown the variety of ways we can be healed by sound vibrations. Have you had the opportunity to attend a singing bowl, Tibetan bowl, or a drum circle event? You may just be surprised of the reaction your body will have and how much better you will feel!

Releasing Belief Patterns

Heidi’s Happiness

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere,
doing something else, being someone else.
Isaac Asimov

In the last week or so, I’ve been healing parts of myself that no longer serve me. What does that mean? There are thought patterns that I no longer truly believe in and yet they are persistent in my thoughts.

On Sunday, May 7th, a very good friend of mine and I went to the Palisades State Park near Garretson, South Dakota. The description from the State Park website- For millions of years, Split Rock Creek cut deep gorges through Palisades State Park. Geologists estimate the Sioux quartzite spires are 1.2 billion years old. With this kind of history, you know the energy and vibrations are deep and healing.

We went there to write out on paper, those areas of our lives we wanted to release and heal. Once they were written, we said a blessing and burned them in the fire, setting an intention to release and heal. By creating this space we then created art from paint, canvas and other items.

While instantaneous healing is possible, and I believe some areas of my beliefs were healed, I have a couple of others that are a bit deeper and more persistent. Does that mean they aren’t healed? Some would say yes, the way I look at it, they are checking to see if I REALLY want to let them go.

These thought patterns are depression, sadness, grief of what was and wasn’t and “lack of” mentality. I’m finding each time the thought/feeling comes to the surface I acknowledge it and then gently release it. My vision is a place deep inside my emotions, where thoughts have been stored, almost like a cocoon, and there have been many, many of the same thoughts stored there. As each one comes to the surface to make its presence known, I get to look at this beautiful butterfly of belief and release. I no longer want to hold onto it, no matter how beautiful it may be. It doesn’t make me joy-filled, it doesn’t resonate in my body anymore.

I have to share with you a funny though, I was thinking, how many of these thoughts are in there? How many times am I going to need to acknowledge this thought and release it? Is there a number I can count on? Spirit replied, however many there are, continue to release otherwise, you will hold onto, just like you have in the past.

This reminded me of those times I’ve tried to let go, I really have. But the thought persisted and after thirty times of letting go, I relinquished and gave in. If I would have just followed through the thirty-first time I could have been done with it.

What belief patterns are you holding onto that you want to let go? Hang in there, as you continue to let go, no matter if it’s one time to one hundred, allow the new space of allowing come in. Be open to releasing the stuff that keeps you held down, keeps you less than. As you release, no matter how many times, you will make space for the life, feelings and energy your soul yearns for!

Rubber Band Theory

Heidi’s Happiness

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere,
doing something else, being someone else.
Isaac Asimov

As I write this, I am feeling the effects of the Holistic Health and Spiritual Fair I attended on Saturday, April 29, 2017. To help you understand what I mean, let me explain.

The energy that was at the Fair was high vibrating and huge. Many people felt light headed, sometimes a little sick to their stomach, maybe even a headache and I can pretty much guarantee everyone was ready for a nap when they left. This energy was so positive and uplifting and euphoric inducing that everyone was simply happy! I set an intention to up-shift my vibration on Saturday and thus I am feeling it today.

Why would I want to up-shift my energy? I am preparing myself to connect with more people, to share healing energy and my knowledge on a larger scale. I want to be at a place (vibration) that I can meet all of the abundance that is coming to me.

During the up-shift there is a feeling of being “off”. I feel at times nervous, scared, unsure and other times confident and at peace. It’s a very interesting place to be. This is how I know I’m shifting my energy vibration. Instead of fighting it, I’m leaning into it and feeling the feels.

This is where my rubber band theory comes into play. You see, the energy up-shift is the rubber band, and if I were to choose to fight against the up-shift I would pull away, causing the “rubber band” to tighten and stretch, producing discomfort and possibly pain. When I lean into the “rubber band”, the energy shift it is calming, peaceful and positive. It’s a delicate dance for me.

Where are you at in being aware of your own energy? Do you feel uncomfortable at times and not sure what is going on? Lean into that feeling rather than fighting against it. You’ll be amazed how much smoother things go and before you know it, you’ll feel a bit better. You may just be surprised that your attitude will be more positive, your body will feel a bit better and your outlook on life will shift into the place you really want to be at. Want to dig a bit deeper into this area? Let’s connect soon and explore!

This Beautiful Journey I am on

As I approached my 56th birth day on April 17, 2017, I was reflecting on my life. I want to share my story of the dark celebration of my 30th birthday. It is important to me to have you have a better understanding of why I feel so much joy, love and peace today.

I’m sitting on the floor of a bedroom in my childhood home, folding clothes and my six year old son is telling me he knows of a place we can go if we can’t stay here. You see, he’s in kindergarten and they had had a field trip to the local women’s shelter for domestic abuse.

I began to cry and reach out to give him a hug and reassure him that we can stay here at Gma and Gmpa’s however long we need to. He goes off to play with his two year old sister and I continue to fold the clean clothes from the basket.

I am scared and wonder how in the world did I get to this place? I know I need to continue to move forward in my life but I have no idea how.

This was NOT the way I saw my life unfolding and I’m also angry and grieving. It will take me many, many years of digging deep to learn how and why I accepted to be treated so poorly and how to truly love myself. I also need to learn to let go, of what I perceived as my life of being married, two children, a home and living happily ever after.

My husband of ten years had been primarily verbally and occasionally physically abusive. I didn’t know or realize that it was abuse. When I was twenty-nine, I was working at a counseling office. I came across a hand out that showed a listing of basic human rights. It was then I realized why I was feeling the way I was. I felt so stifled, controlled, very little self-esteem, anxiety, depression and a feeling of almost splitting my personality into two.

You see, every three to four months over the period of my relationship with him he would tell me I had to lose weight or he would leave me. He would have me weigh myself and write it on the calendar. I would then attempt to lose weight because the thought of being alone was greater than making the sacrifice to lose weight. I so wanted to be loved that I was willing to go through anything. There were many other controlling things he would say and do. At times I would verbally fight back but many times it was easier to just accept and go through the motions. I was very sad inside.

There were times I would wake in the night and start to cry. I would leave the bed and go into the bathroom, crawl up into a ball and cry quietly. I couldn’t risk waking him up. He wouldn’t have yelled or anything, he would have just questioned me a lot as to why I was crying and I wasn’t sure how or what to say.

One might ask, how did I get myself into this situation? When he and I started dating it was at a low point in my life. I didn’t feel attractive, I didn’t know what I was going to do with my life (we were 17 years old), I couldn’t imagine being by myself, and most of all I didn’t have a clue how I was going to move out of my childhood home and support myself. I had so much fear inside that I felt I couldn’t do much of anything. He brought a sense of excitement and he adored me. He gave me gifts of jewelry, flowers and most of all told me how much he was attracted to me and how he dreamed about me. It was all I needed at the time.

As with all abuse, it starts out very subtle. Back in the late 70’s there wasn’t a lot of information about relationship abuse. I just thought, couples have issues, we’re just going through some bumpy times. Besides, love conquers all!

I don’t remember the first time he hit me, or choked me. I do remember telling him to never do it again. But that didn’t stop it. Some people have asked if it only happened when we were drinking. I don’t believe it ever happened when there was alcohol involved.

Oh, and by the way, this wasn’t a daily or even weekly thing. It happened so sparsely that I wasn’t even aware of how much of a web of control I was in. One of the most interesting things, I think, is that no one knew. NO ONE. I didn’t share any of this with my family, friends or co-workers. On some level I was ashamed. How could I get myself into a situation like this?

Also, I didn’t KNOW I was being abused. I wasn’t what society said an abused woman looked like. I never went to the emergency room, I never called the cops, I never had major bruises all over my body (just one here and there). I wasn’t “one of them” in my mind. My psyche wouldn’t allow me to think that way.

It was the winter of 1990 that I started to think about leaving him. I knew that I needed to have a plan because he relied on me for everything. I worked full time, took care of paying bills, the house, the children, and his emotional and physical support. One big thing was holding me back. I stood in front of God and said that I would stay married to this man until death do us part.

Believe it or not, I thought about killing him. I was becoming that desperate. It wasn’t a serious thought, but it was a thought that went through my mind. I also thought about committing suicide, but then I didn’t want to leave my children. I also told myself that I couldn’t get divorced because in my family of five, two had already gotten divorced and I couldn’t be the third. I share these thoughts because that was my mentality at the time. I look at this now and think, how absurd!

So, I started the process. I went to the minister at my church and talked with him. Sharing just enough information. He stated, “I don’t encourage divorce but I also don’t believe in living in hell”. When he said that, I thought, if this isn’t hell I don’t know what is. I also went to the cemetery to “talk” to my paternal grandmother. I needed to get her blessing. The message I got was to take care of myself and that I would still be loved. That was such a reassurance.

Fast forward to the night of my 30th birthday. I was still living in the house with my husband. We were still sleeping in the same bed. We were in the process of selling the house and he knew we were going to get divorced. He was in denial though. Somewhere in his thinking, he really didn’t think it was going to happen.

The night before we had had an argument and he hit me in the shoulder and legs. While holding our daughter, he stated he should just cold cock me. Things calmed down and for the first time in our entire marriage, we slept apart in the same house. I slept on the couch.

The morning of my 30th birthday, he asked me to just forget what happened the night before. I thought to myself, no way, never. I went to work at the counseling office and told my supervisor what had happened. We discussed options to keep me and the children safe. I wasn’t sure what he may or may not do.

That evening, while in the kitchen, the children eating cake and “celebrating” my birthday, he asked me whether I told anyone what had happened the night before. I was honest with him (normally I would have lied, I’d become very proficient at lying) and told him yes. The conversation continued and at one point, what I heard him say was, when dogs or horses misbehave you need to beat them and you are no different. It was then I knew I HAD to get out.

I had the kids get their coats and told them we were going to go visit a friend for a little bit. I was being very careful not to set him off. My son kept asking, where are we going, what are we doing? I just kept trying to keep things light.

I dropped my children off at a friends and went to my parents’ house. My mother was home and I began to tell her what was going on. Neither of my parents knew of what I’d been dealing with. When my Dad arrived and heard what had been happening, he said we could stay there and went to get the suitcases.
We went back to the house to get clothes and such. I was so scared, I wasn’t sure what my husband was capable of and I really didn’t want to find out. Thankfully he was gone with the dog to the park. We went in and started grabbing clothing out of the dressers and anything else I could quickly think we needed short term. We left before he returned.

When I was driving in the alley way on the way to the house, I was thinking that I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than to live this way. I also felt a liberation that I’d never felt before. I was breaking free. I also literally felt the hand of God on the middle of my back, pushing me, reassuring me, letting me know, I can do this and that I am not alone.

We each have a story. We each have our journey. We each have our lessons. What was my lesson in this part of my life? There were so many, but the one that sticks out the most was to learn to be my authentic self. To speak my truth, to love myself unconditionally so I can therefore share this truth and love to others.

I am blessed and so very thankful for this part of my life. I’m thankful my ex-husband played a part in my journey, for without him, I would not be a strong, resilient and joy-filled woman. I have been in the bowels of my hell and I have truly learned to appreciate the peace, joy, and love of this human life!

Learning to Open the Heart

Heidi’s Happiness

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere,
doing something else, being someone else.
Isaac Asimov

Quite a few years ago I was in a talk therapy session and the therapist asked me if I loved myself. I looked at her dumbfounded. I didn’t know how to answer. I’d hated or disliked myself for so long and believed so much of what had been said to me through the years. I also have a strong ego that was more than happy to “tell” me all the things that were wrong with me. My social anxiety at times was over the roof.

It was during that period of time I decided I would learn about loving myself. I took time to read books, from Journey to the Heart to Dear God, How Can I Finally Love Myself. I really started to look at those things that I hated about myself, and gently, ever so gently, started to let go of those beliefs.

The limiting beliefs of not being enough. Not a good enough mother, female, employee, daughter, human. The belief, if people only knew the truth of my crazy thinking. The conversations I would have with people and later on lament of how I should have said something different or just kept my mouth shut. The way I looked, my body, my hair, the clothes of just not being enough.

This process of discovery was like holding a new born bird. Being so gentle with it, loving it for the sheer joy of watching it grow and become all it is meant to be.

Crying and releasing the grief as the growth of my heart began to expand. Learning and allowing a new belief pattern to emerge. Realizing this body that my soul resides in provides me so many opportunities to experience this life! Learning the majority of people are so caught up in their own trials and tribulations they don’t have time to even pay attention about the things I thought they were.

Learning, when I judge someone else that it’s really me judging myself and limiting my growth and opportunities. If someone else judges me, it is their limiting belief in THEIR LIFE that is holding them back.

My heart has expanded in numerous ways in the last year. The vision I get at times is from the movie How the Grinch Stole Christmas. You know the part, where the Grinch’s heart began to expand and grow. I can literally feel in the area of my heart an expansion of love. The love I feel for myself is continuing to grow each time I stand in my light, each time I ask for what I want, whether it be from a person or from the Universe. This love that I have inside is overflowing and because of this, I can give pure authentic love to others.

What ways can you learn to love yourself? Are you ready to feel and experience all the Universe is ready to give to you? Can you comprehend on some level that you are worthy of this love? Unconditional love is being given to you all the time, all you need to do is allow it to enter your being.

Souls of our Feet

Heidi’s Happiness

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere,
doing something else, being someone else.
Isaac Asimov

At yoga, the teacher was talking about standing on the soles of our feet. What came to mind is the SOUL of our feet and connecting with the energy of Mother Earth.

I know I’ve written this before, but it keeps making its presence known with me. Being in this body and having this human experience is awesome and all, however, it is also challenging.

During a recent Reiki attunement class I was teaching, I was talking about being grounded. The question was, how to know the difference.

Some of the things to be aware of with being ungrounded, you feel spacey or even a little dizzy, hard to finish tasks, can’t concentrate, hard to make yourself understood, hard to understand others, get distracted or mind wanders (squirrel anyone?) or lose track of time. From my own experience also, when I’m ungrounded my energy is expansive and sometimes chaotic and many people are challenged in accepting the immensity of it.

While it can be quite nice to be ungrounded and just be in our own space, it is not usually recommended when dealing with others. There can be miscommunication, frustration, depression, and an overall unwellness.  From my experience, I’m ungrounded a fair amount of time.

To be grounded is to be aware of our bodies. Be aware of the smells, sounds, temperature, feelings, and sensations within our body and around us. Stating to yourself, I am present, with what I am doing right now. “Right now I am washing the dishes.” “Right now, I am driving the car.” “Right now, I am present and not thinking of the future or past.”

One thing you can definitely do is become aware of your feet and focus on the energy located there. Bring all our consciousness to your feet…wiggle your toes, feel your connection to the Earth. Remember the sensation as a child going barefoot? The feeling of the dirt, cement, rocks, grass on the soles of your feet? The grounding of that sensation and connecting into something bigger than yourself. The happiness that exudes from that connection, that sensation. You are essentially connecting your soul to the Earth. Feel how good that feels.

Allow yourself to re-connect to the goodness, the joy, the love as often as wanted and needed.

How Can I Finally Love Myself?

Heidi’s Happiness

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere,
doing something else, being someone else.
Isaac Asimov

The messages that society gives about focusing on self are not usually positive ones, especially if you are a female. However, if you don’t love yourself first, how in the world can you give love out?

There may be some that say, oh Heidi, it’s easy for you to say, you are single, your children are grown and you don’t have all the distractions of a relationship and children. Actually, loving yourself has nothing to do with your relationship status, being a parent or single, ethnicity, beliefs, and so on.

I was listening to a podcast recently and the woman had gone through some amazingly horrible circumstances in her childhood. While living in a foster home, she started to write, over a period of time, 100 things she loved about herself. ONE HUNDRED! The neat thing was that she wrote them out in color crayon and hung them on her bedroom wall thereby creating a cocoon of art and love.

I thought, could I come up with 100 things I love about myself? Right now, where I’m at in my life, I could get a pretty good number going, however, one hundred is a stretch. While listing out might be a challenge, what about how we use our words?

The other day, I had a client send me a text apologizing for missing her appointment. She texted “Oh my, I forgot I am a dumb ass. I am so sorry”. My reaction was to text back, “please do not describe yourself that way”. It hurt to see her call herself this and all she did was forget an appointment. No biggy, we rescheduled. Self-love comes in a variety of ways.

I catch myself at times having thoughts or using words that are not flattering to me. Growing up, the words that were used when I didn’t do something quite right were not encouraging, they were actually quite deprecating. It has been a process to stop hitting the replay button of those messages and remind myself those words weren’t and aren’t mine.

What words are you using, what steps do you take daily to love yourself? Taking the first step can be scary, but, living in mediocre is even scarier. Your soul yearns to have you live the fullest life you desire. Really! I encourage you to take ten days, and each day, write something that you love about yourself. It can be as simple as your smile, the way your hands remind you of your mother, the choices you make to move your body more, or drinking more water to hydrate.

Want to explore this more? Dear God, How Can I Finally Love Myself? By Barbara Rose, Ph.D. – great book for digging a bit deeper on loving yourself.

Stubbornness and Tenacity

Heidi’s Happiness

Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere,
doing something else, being someone else.
Isaac Asimov

While sitting at a coffee shop today, I was journaling about where I’m at in my faith of the Universe. I was prompted from the book I’m reading by Gabrielle Bernstein, “The Universe Has Your Back”. While writing out my thoughts the realization of the stubbornness and tenacity that I have held so tight was actually keeping me from allowing in the abundance.

From a very young age, my stubbornness has served me in numerous ways, not always in a positive sense. I realize now, my thinking was, if I allow myself to be open, rather than trying to control things, that it’s not copping out, it’s not giving in, it’s the realization that if I do not open myself up that I limit my experience. I was holding myself back from really being able to move forward.

This is a work in progress for me. When I find myself feeling stuck, I take a moment and realize I am pushing for things to move, instead of allowing the flow to move me forward. At times, I don’t have a lot of patience either. So, I find myself wanting things to move faster than they are. However, when I sit and hear between the silence, I am reminded that the movement forward is exactly at the pace that I can handle and am ready for.

What in your life is keeping you from moving forward? What if you shift your thinking to “I allow the flow to move through me and therefore I move forward”. Set the intention, feel the flow, you’ll be amazed of the miracles that can happen in your life!