Stubborness, Fear and Protection
When I was in grade school, around the second grade, the Art teacher for the entire school district came to teach us how to draw and color trees. She was telling us that trees are not brown, they are combination of many different colors. At this young age, I found myself raising my hand and in defiance told her in so many words that she was wrong and that trees are brown. This stubbornness that I have has served me my entire life. Sometimes really well, other times, well, maybe it could have not been so stubborn?
I laugh now at how confident I felt at the time that I was right.
From the age of three I remember having anxiety. Anxious and fearful. From what I can recall, I believe my family was going to a funeral (possibly my maternal grandfathers) and I was being left behind with a relative. I remember a picture being taken with everyone but me. It is so vivid in my mind even to this day. I didn’t know it was anxiety until I was I my mid-30’s during a therapy session. I had “stomach” issues or nervousness all my growing up years. It was a sense of not feeling safe and secure. It wasn’t any ones fault I felt this way, it was simply my experience and perception at the young age of three.
As I’ve dug deeper into my life and realizing I am an empath/intuitive, that I feel other people’s emotions, and receive information about others thoughts, I’ve learned I need to protect myself. This intuitiveness I have, the just knowing, was shut off at a young age. Receiving so much information about others and feeling all the emotions was overwhelming.
Maybe you can identify with some or all of the experiences?
During the last five years or so, I’ve been going through a transition of understanding these “gifts” and learning to embrace them rather than fight and feel ashamed. I’ve learned that while the stubbornness, fear and protection were all tools I used during periods of my life that I needed, I also have learned they have kept me from experiencing the positives of life. I would cocoon myself so tight at times I would keep away from anything and everything. My stubbornness would get the best of me and keep me in fear and protection mode.
What I have learned to date, is that by embracing the positives of life, the understanding that I am safe to step out into this world, to speak my truth, to have gratitude to all that is, the good, the bad and the ugly, I am able to live a full, more joyous, content and happier life. I actually find myself smiling more just for the sheer pleasure of smiling!
Where are you in your life journey? Are you living it the way you want to be? What choices would you make today if you knew you could move into the space you desire to be living? No idea? Have an idea but not sure how to move forward? Let’s connect, soon. I have tools and ideas to help.
